The Family Photo
by LeiaSedai and Umi-Chan
Summary: The Wizard wants to take a picture of his 'family' and things go wrong. MusicalVerse. PostWicked.


Dingdong rang the doorbell making Fiyero jump and spilled the eggs he was frying for breakfast fall all over the floor. "Some body get the door!" came the voice of his wife Elphaba.

"Get it yourself Elphie," shouted their houseguest Glinda, "I'm trying to sleep in."

"Fine" exclaimed Elphaba sounding grumpy. She stormed through the kitchen in a green whirl wind and slammed open the door. Fiyero hoped she wouldn't take out her anger on the guest, but he might as well have hoped for a piece of green cheese from the moon.

"YOU IDIOTIC, COWARDLY MAN, YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE HERE! AND YOU EVIL WOMAN!" came Elphaba's voice at full pelt from the foyer. Fiyero didn't hear what was said next, but apparently whoever it was had convinced Elphaba to let them in for he heard stomping foot steps next and Elphaba entered the kitchen trailed by - of all people – the Wizard and Madame Morrible.

"They are here," she began in low furious tone, 'to do a most horrid thing. They wish to take a family photo' Fiyero gave a low whistle. He knew the Wizard and Horrible Morrible were a scheming pair, but this was below the belt. Family photos were an abomination of nature that took all day and made everyone wrangle with people they normally got along fine with. In his personal experience the only one who escaped unscathed was the camera man.

"It could be a good idea," came a perky high-pitched voice from the door. Apparently all of the discordant noise had made Glinda give up all thoughts of sleeping in for she stood there, still in her nightgown, her normally immaculate blonde hair tousled, "much as you hate the Wizard, Elphie, he _is_ your father."

"And," said Madame Morrible the weather sorceress, "you won't be going anywhere until the picture is taken-" she flicked her wrist and rain began drumming on the roof "-due to your most unfortunate allergy to water."

Elphaba glared, but there was nothing she could do, she was getting her picture taken. Morrible began creating small gusts of wind to clear the furniture out of what was (apparently) to be the space where the picture was taken and the Wizard began setting up the camera on a tripod. Chistery, chief of Elphaba's flying monkeys swooped in and began to eat the eggs off the floor. It was going to be a long day.

Glinda gave a gloating smile as she said, "Have fun today" when she had finished applying her makeup and moved to leave for whatever she had to do as ruler of Oz today.

"Oh but Glinda," Elphaba gave her sweetest smile which still looked rather pained, "you ought to be in the picture as well. After all you're like my sister and-"

"No really, Elphie," Glinda cut her off, sounding slightly panicked. "I have to give a decree today about Quadling rights and then review the guard at the duke's citadel and preside over a luncheon for merited scholars. It's very important."

"You can do that tomorrow." Elphaba returned. "After all this could be the only opportunity you have to get a picture with all of us. Morrible must be like a mother to you, after being your teacher for so long."

Morrible looked as though she would like to yank the tiara off of Glinda's golden curls and start beating her over the head with it, but she made no comment.

"Oh alright!" exclaimed Glinda throwing her hands up in the air, "but make it quick."

"You'll be joining us my dear?" asked the Wizard, looking up from _Camera Operation for Dummy Wizards_ (not to be confused with _Camera Operation for Wizard Dummies_ which was far less helpful)"wonderful. This thing is just about set up."

Everyone stood on the side of the room the tripod was facing and jostled into position. It seemed everyone wanted to be next to Elphaba and no one wanted to be next to Morrible, but by the time he flash went off they stood in some semblance of order.

"Well that was fairly painless," said Fiyero, surprised, as the others rushed to check the picture.

"Chistery you imbecile!" Elphaba exclaimed. "That monkey snuck up behind Glinda and I and gave us bunny ears so we have to do the whole thing again." In a fit of rage she picked up a tomato and hurled it at the monkey. Unfortunately he propelled himself to hover above where he had been so the tomato hit Morrible's hair, knocked it clean off her head and smashed onto Glinda's panicked face. Glinda immediately ran off to the bathroom to reapply her makeup in a clacking of high heels and a rustle of skirts while everyone else starred at Morrible and her fallen hair in some shock.

"You where a wig?!" Elphaba finally asked, somewhat rudely.

"Yes," answered Morrible, totally unashamed. "It's lovely, sleek and shiny and stays on my head all the time all I have to do is feed it cheese every day."

They all stared at the wig on the ground. It twitched. "That's not a wig that's a rat!" shrieked Elphaba and to everyone's utter shock and horror Morrible calmly bent down, picked it you and replaced it on her head as though nothing had happened.

"So, what shall we do while we wait for Glinda?" she asked.

Two hours, three games of Trivial Pursuit, and eleven bags of popcorn later Glinda emerged from the bathroom, her makeup fully re-applied. Fiyero grumbled that he'd never met anyone who was such a laggard as the Wizard cajoled them all back into place. "Oh no! We're out of film he exclaimed as he moved to reset the camera. "Guess I'll just have to go buy some more." He crammed his top hat on and strode out into the rain, whistling. Fiyero half-considered following, but instead turned back to the others who were trying to explain to Glinda that collecting two hundred dollars as you passed 'Go' was not a part of Trivial Pursuit.

The Wizard returned, very excited, for film had been on sale at Ozmart. After reading another excerpt from _Camera Operation for Dummy Wizards_ he was able to install the film while everyone else tried to explain to Glinda the difference between Trivial Pursuit and Candy Land. Once the film was installed he decided to take a practice picture to make sure he had done it right. He angled the camera toward a frying pan on top of a pile of rubble that had been dishes until they were swept off the table, for no particular reason and flicked the button on the camera to take the picture. He heard a bang and smelled smoke this seemed somehow odd, but he couldn't tell why. This vague thought was his last before losing consciousness.

"I think he's coming around now." Glinda said, some time later as she and Morrible continued their collaborative efforts at waving smelling salts under the Wizards nose.

"What happened?" the said Wizard asked as he strained past his headache to remember why he had passed out.

"Well," began Fiyero, "the moral of this story is: Don't buy the film that doesn't fit the camera, no matter how good the sale is."

"Oh."

"I've bought a new camera," Fiyero continued, "and we can take the picture now that you've come around. We tried taking it while you were out cold and propping you up in the frame, but you always slumped over just at just the wrong moment."

"Plus it was churlish to take the picture with out you when you were the one forcing us to waste a perfectly good day to-I mean when it was your most brilliant idea to take this picture," added Glinda.

"We can take it now though," concluded Morrible and so they did.

It was only after the flash had flashed that they realized Elphaba had been varnishing her broom in the tower and had missed the picture.

"Let's try this one more time," said Fiyero, clearly at an end to his patience.

They all assembled yet again, not really caring where they stood or what they looked like because sure as peaches were poison this picture would go wrong to.

The flash went off. No one blinked. No one had slumped or gotten bunny ears and nothing had exploded so clearly this was an improvement of some sort.

They didn't look at each other, but rather moved, as though in a trance or an exhausted dream to look at the picture.

"It looks a little odd," Glinda observed astutely after they all had stared for several minutes. Appartently one one the monkeys had dropped into the picture at the last minute and Elphaba had put a hand on him to prevent his hand on the Wizard's head from becoming bunny ears.

"Yeah," Fiyero agreed with Glinda, "and you're the only one smiling."

"Morrible's smiling," retorted Glinda.

"Sinisterly," Elphaba corrected her. "She also looks just about ready to steal your necklace and you look as though you'll jab her with that oversized wand of yours if she tries."

"While you look ready to thump the Wizard with that filthy old stick you call a broom if Fiyero lets go of your hand," retorted the ffended Morrible.

"Well, I think it's wonderful," inserted the Wizard before the two seeming the dignified sorceresses could begin slapping each other. "After all aperfect picture doesn't have to be picture perfect."

**A/N: This was written for school and based off of one of those promo pics and I don't thik that it's my best work, but whatever**.


End file.
